my god its been a long time since ive entered this website...its something i left behind after alot of shit.

i reread all the old diary entries, so let me start everything over in the simplest way possible

i was in love with sapphire and she trusted me with a secret, she had a crush on a 29 year old guy and my emotions fucked uo after a couple of weeks and argued with her, i told her id kill myself and she left (weird right? See why i think somethings wrong with me?) anyway, after that remmeber mochi? well her names ollie now, and ollie and i were frriends then i fell in love with her due to the extreme depression of losing sapphire, execpt when i confessed she actually liked me...i was in love with her for around 2ish months before i fucked that up too, we used to talkk and i even said that when were older we'd move together until she said she started losing her feelings because she mightve turned aeroace (which she is now) so i got mad, cursed her out. And finally, by march i was completely alone.I went back to my old stupid self, and before i knew it i cursed out a couple ppl in my school AGAIN who so happened to be the same ppl i cursed out LAST TIME. then i got told on by the school counselor and ughhh it was such a big deal and i had a panic attack outside in the hallway it was so fuckin stupid, im just happy they didnt see the cuts, talking about cuts they only got worse, last year i used to cut with scissors on my wrist, then scissors on thigh, then it went full circle with sharp razors and wrists which bled me out real bad. Anyway, i left school early since my mom picked me up, time skip cuz i dont remember too much, remember josh? well ive always hated him but he was really the only real world interaction i has so i was forcing myself to like him, yeah well hes a bitch now. I got boreddd and skipped class with him and guess what? some boys caught us and started i rumour i sucked his dick off in the bathroom and recorded it, which btw IS CONSIDERED CP SO I HAD TO BE INVESTIGATED. its so funnyy...my mom was more worried about "losing her job" then about the fact that i tried to kill myself that same day after the rumour. I cursed josh out that day too, i also cursed out the dean SUPER badly and the vice principal too i also lashed out after the dean let me go out of the office in orchestra even worse, oh that same day we had this thing called arts in april, afterschool i had to play for jazzband and orchestra in the cafeteria, i somehow managed not to breakdown and cry, and luckily nobody looked at me weirdly until we got free time for a bit and two spanish boys were tlaking shit abt me...in spanish cuz im so very clearly black and i clearky dont understand everything their saying. Unfortunately i fell asleep and didnt even die or get the chance to once i got home...anyway, i unfortunately had to go to school monday (because the rumour started on friday) surprisingly i didnt cut i think...all i can say though is that i had this anger inside me to thr point that if anybody approached me id fucking choke them, right there. id fucking kill them out of anger...i didnt, of course. Byt what did happen was this, 1st period nobody mentioned or even looked at me weidly luckily!! but the orchestra teacher did ask if i was okay, 2nd period? Josh DARED to even FUCKING SPEAK TO ME. after that fucking runour he still thought we were friends, also josh is a closet gay how do i mnow? he brought his tablet to school one day and in his search history was gay furry porn, not making this up. 3rd period...okay so my memory gets a lil hazy around here, i havent honestly written everything about my school, theres alot of people id wrkte about but i cant really cuz of time, so forgive me but these are alot of names.

stacey, madi, and another girl named glory (and a couple other girls but cant remember who..?) all approached me about the rumour obviously, cant remember shit about what happened but it felt kinda nice...but i have too talk about glory in particular.

okay so i cant remember if it was rhe day after, or the exact same day but at some point glory approached me at art, we started talkingg and then she asked for my insta, rhen she made a groupchat with this girl but i forgot her name because ive gotten used to calling her masha now...so oops...anyway. were friends nos...theres alot of stuff i failed to mention here tho.

like at some point last week i made josh stop talking to me after cursing him out badly, oh and last month i did this stupid lik thing where i went on this omegle alt called emerald and catfished a bunch of horny indian men into sending dick pics so i could laugh at them, some were total weirdks, one was even uncircumsised which is FUCKING DISGUSTING.

now where are we now? well i kimda have a crush on glory but shes dating someone else luckily tho my emotions arent shittg like before, although im cutting again a little, oh btw not friends with parker my mom checked my phone made a big deal and told him off, also at some point i started taking my moms estrogen cuz she has some, i stopped taking it after 3 or 2 weeks so she wouldnt find out, but it did work!! my hands turned softer and so did where my boobs would be XD (this is dumb) 6 days before school ends. Should i reveal my secret?